Plan A

Maybe it's not the right thing.
But, one thing has become crystal clear.
I have the passions I have for a reason.
I will be applying to work with a ministry full-time next year.
Full-time ministry.
This is hugely over-whelming.
This is a giganto commitment.
But... I can't imagine serving God any other way...

I've been so worried about making this desicion based on my wants and not God's. This has frustrated and discouraged me. I have a year to raise support for this. People have encouraged me... "If it's God's will He will make a way." I argue, "But, that's not how this works. I can do this and if I don't raise enough money at the end... I owe the organization money." The way I've been looking at it is... when it's all said and done, when I come to the end of my year of ministry and I don't earn the support... "This was all me, this was me chasing after my own selfish desires."And the idea of that upsets me so much... that once again, I am putting myself before my Jesus, who gave his life for me.

I don't know... that doubt will probably rest in my heart for some time.
But, I do have hope.