Indecision

Remember how I wanted to talk about this topic?

Well... I can’t sleep, so I figured now was a good time to do this.

It doesn’t make me feel good about my decision though.

But... my decision, didn’t really have a right or wrong answer... and like I said as long as I’m honoring God with the little things... I’m golden.

Anyway... I’m not sure where to start.

When I first started studying this, I thought-- oh okay, indecisiveness isn’t a sin. But, the more I looked at it, it is. James 1:5-8 tells us to not be unwavering, to be steadfast and not double-minded. I guess some people say that this is talking more about “You can’t serve two masters, you will either hate the one and love the other.”

But it just doesn’t matter... indecisiveness draws you away from God, because instead of nurturing your gifts and growing in God... you put all of your focus on this decision you have to make. And... it sucks!

I don’t feel nearly as close to God as I did 6 months ago. In fact... a lot of the time I don’t feel like I know Him at all. I really let my relationship with God suffer this semester, and I’m not pleased with myself for it.

I like this definition of indecisiveness: “Indecisiveness is the inability to take a reasonable risk, to make a decision in a timely manner with limited information.”

Like I said in my last post... I really like to weigh out all my options. Make sure that the next move I make isn’t going to screw anything up... but anything can happen anywhere. I can’t expect anything... I need to stop expecting things... and just let life be.

And... I’m uncomfortable with my decision because I wonder if my heart isn’t in the right place. I believe it is in the right place... but I also know I’m not that selfless, and there are selfish motives behind my decision. I just don’t believe it to be at the core of my decision though.

I will leave you with two verses that I am finding to be very encouraging tonight:

-Isaiah 51:7

“Listen to me, you who know right from wrong, you who cherish my law in your hearts. Do not be afraid of people’s scorn, nor fear their insults.”

-Galatians 5:22-23

“When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.”