Loving a Person

"Loving a person just the way they are is no small thing..." Sara Groves.

I encourage you to look up this song in whole either by listening or reading the lyrics or both.

But this came on today as I picked up my parents from the airport and rolled my eyes in frustration towards them... made me bite my tongue.

And even right now... I'm frustrated with a few things.

I tried to do a "vlog" about it... but I just didn't care too much for it when all was said and done. I wasn't even going to continue posting up a blog at all. But, something in me is telling me to.

My "vlog" (I think that is a dumb word hence the quotations) wasn't even about my parents. It was about me and my stupid school decision... ONCE AGAIN.

I'm fine with my decision... it's the outcome that makes me nervous you know? That chess player in me I guess. I should stop blaming that.

It's not even that... it's people. It's always people! It's about the thoughts that people will have about me. Which shouldn't even matter....

I don't like loving and needing people more then they love or need me... it's such a vulnerable place to be in... it's a scary place to be in. All I want to want and to need is God. I need God. I love God.... and He loves me... but I don't show my love for Him nearly as much as I should... and I try to change and I do... for a day or two... but then I go back to my habits, my awful bad habits for another week before I feel sad and desperate again to spend time with Him.

I've been writing a song... the first line of the chorus goes like this "I know it's not easy to be everything that you don't want to be." When I first came up with that... I didn't even think it made sense, it just sounded good... it just came out of my mouth like so many other things do. But the more and more I digest that line... it means so much.

There are so many things I don't like about myself, that I want to change, some things I need to change because they're not God honoring. Some things... because other people don't like them.

To change these things... is so hard... I suppose it gets easier in time, sometimes.

And I keep finding myself so grateful that God knows about these things and chooses to look past them and love us in spite of them. Loving a person, just the way they are.

Another song from Sara Groves has the lyrics "I love because you loved me when I had nothing." Another reason why I am grateful... I have absolutely nothing to give Him in return (except my life) and He takes me... He takes me, with all of my imperfections...