High schoolers came in, and they are exhausting! Okay... here's the thing. These were not ordinary high schoolers... they were upper class californian prep high schoolers. And. I think it would be fair to say Guatemala probably blew their minds.
I know when I went to Nicaragua in high school it blew mine, I also was young and more immature; that I really did not understand everything I was taking in.
So... I can put myself in their shoes... but that still didn't make it much easier.
I was blessed with a good group at my site... overall, hit a little speed bump with one member, but I spoke to that person and they apologized, and we moved on.
What to say... my heart was probably not in the right place these past two weeks. I didn't try as hard as I could have... as I should have. Honestly, feel worn out...
Continually feel inadequate about a variety of things, but I keep asking God to humble me... so maybe that's my answered prayer.
And... I feel lost. I feel like maybe I'm not cut out for missions after all, because I miss home. I caught myself saying "I cannot imagine..." not being able to enjoy certain things that the United States offers me. I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life, or where I'm going.
I was talking to one of the leaders from one of the groups and I told her that "I was just leaving it up to God, I don't know where He wants me... but I'm willing to go wherever." She told me she completely agreed, that she never really had a plan, which really bothers some people, but she is happy and the Lord is leading her. I really appreciated my talks with her... they were probably the most uplifting of my two weeks.
And... that's all the Lord asks of me, is a willing heart. But... if I'm being honest there are some things I'm not being willing about, because... it's too complicated to change now. Lord, please deal with me.
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