We are the masters of keeping ourselves, our facades in place and showing the world that we are GREAT. That we're just a bucket of sunshine and freakin roses.
Lies.... it's all lies. Nobody, nobody has it all together. And... I'm no exception.
I constantly let my pride get in the way of my vulnerability.
And... I feel like I write a post about this too much. Seemingly, always struggling with the same thing... I've heard two things recently about this. 1) "Even after 20 years... this is still affecting her." 2) "maybe those are the things we're suppose to lean on Jesus with."
This is part of who I am, I suppose... and I suppose I do need to learn to give it to Jesus, because.. I don't want it to still affect me in 20 years, at least... not in the same way, not as powerful as it does today.
I'm so afraid of being a burden to others. Which is stupid, because as Christians, we are there for each others burdens.... but our society, just doesn't approve of that and unfortunately I've let our society get the best of me in this area.
I don't want to get hurt. None of us do. Personally, I just feel like I've been through the ringer on this getting hurt thing enough times... and I realize, it's going to happen, and I need to just get over this, because people are here to help and a Christian community should be more than willing to carry each others burdens... and if they're not... then it's probably time to find a new community.
So... I'm going to try. To lay these burdens down. Sort through the muck in my head that desperately needs to be dealt with. Lean on Jesus and lean on the community God has given me.
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