Friends Forever!

My friend shouted this one night as we got settled into bed. I laughed at the phrase she decided to use and end the night with. Most people say a cheerful goodnight at sleepovers. Apparently... not her, leave it up to E.H to come up with something original.

I recently told my car accident story to another friend and I also told her how much E.H did for me throughout the week. She told me “That’s amazing, that’s a true friend you’ve got there.” I couldn’t agree more. Actually... E.H is one of the truest friends anyone could have. I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like her, she treats everyone with respect and supports everyone, wether she agrees with them or not.

As I started my semester at Nyack, another friend encouraged me by reminding me that this situation would bring out my true friends. That the people who stayed in contact with me, were the ones that genuinely cared about me. This is where I would like to add that I also realized who my true friends at home were... but I need to get into that for another time... a post titled "What Nyack Taught Me."

Another friend of mine (E.D- I hope you don’t mind!) blogged about friendships recently. She talked about bad kind and the good kind.

Her favorite kind :: The 'I'm friends with you, because I enjoy hanging out with you, but we also can have serious conversations' Friend: This friend is someone that should be cherished, because they are hard to find. This person truly cares about you as an individual and lets you know it. This person gets to know you, your likes and dislikes, the good and the bad. This person is someone that you can trust your secrets to and know that they're not going to go tell someone else. This friend is one that will stand by you through thick and thin, the one that you can laugh with and cry with, the one that loves you at your worst and at your best. This friend, is a keeper.

Before I started college, one of my youth leaders whom I was very close to, told me very often how I was going to make such great friends in college. Of course I believed her. She made the whole college experience sound like the most amazing thing ever. I haven’t been disappointed. College has had its ups and downs, but I know when I get done, there’s a lot I will be taking away from it. There's a lot I have gotten out of it already.

Like some forever friends, past and present.

[no current song]

Update: Music

Hey!

So... I updated this blog a bit. Sometimes I write things and songs go well with them. And... instead of quoting the song, I'm going to just add it to the music player, and when you're reading... you can listen to the song! Pretty snazzy right? I think so! =]

Currently I have two songs that go with the last two posts previous to this... in order.

I will be posting another blog though right after I post this one. But I don't have a song for it.

So, I guess I need to work out a system so that you know if the song playing goes along with what I just posted or not...

But, I just wanted to clarify all of this because the current song at this present date [Everything- Tim Hughes] wouldn't fit, and I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea.

Alright. Thanks!

[no current song]--- this works right?

My Prayer

Lord...

Be my strength, when I am weak.

Fill my cup, when I am dry.

Give me peace Lord, when my anxieties and worries multiply.

Be everything to me God, be more than enough for me God...

I am miserable without you. I am lonely without you. I hurt so much God, without you.

I want you Lord. I want to rely on You for everything this life shells out to me.

I don't want sickness to stand in my way, I don't want relationships to stand in my way, I don't want the things of this world to stand in my way.

God.. I want to live each day committed and devoted to you. I want to fall in love with You Lord.

I'm afraid of what that kind of life may mean for me, but I am willing to serve you Lord with my whole heart. You are a patient God, and I ask that you will be patient with me.

Guide me, I will follow.

It Makes me Realize

I have so many thoughts about this past week. It didn’t go as I planned. A car accident got in the way to say the least... and I could have and probably should have lost my life... or had taken someone down with me.... but God had His grace on me and protected me and guided my out of control vehicle in the safest way possible to avoid the least damage (in my opinion) to both myself and my car (which I’m pretty sure I may just get back).

So, technically I should be in Indiana right now... visiting my friend Amy. But life happens, and I’m honestly just thankful to still have mine.

God taught me a lot through this incident... and it made something click within me; especially after this summer, I just haven’t been feeling connected to God like I should. It’s just been a long year, going through a lot of changes and it’s not over yet!

Anyway... that’s just some background. I think what I really want to share is how people reacted. Before I started the road trip, I wondered why I was doing all of this and I felt like I was being selfish. I’m not sure if that makes sense, and I’m not sure I know how to explain it. I wanted to see my friends... I wanted them to want to see me... I wanted to feel loved.

I got that... that’s for sure. But... not in the way I had wanted to, I didn’t want them to fear for my life. I didn’t want to have my parents worry about me so much either.

But everyone was so concerned for me, and that really touched me. But it made me realize how important it is to tell people how much they mean to you when they still are in your life.

It made me realize... how much my own life means.

It makes me realize how important relationships are.

It makes me realize how badly I want to honor God with my life, because I know the only reason why I am here is because of Him.

It makes me realize that... God has such a distinct plan for my life.

It made me realize just how meaningless everything else is.

It’s all about us. God cares about us, not the materialistic crap we set our eyes on. It’s about loving people in the name of Jesus. It’s bringing people into the realization of a loving relationship with Him.

It’s leaving a mark on people’s lives.

“A penny for my thoughts, oh no I’ll sell them for a dollar

They're worth so much more after I’m a goner

And maybe then you’ll hear the words I been singin’

Funny when you're dead how people start listenin’”

The Band Perry- If I Die Young

Well...

I used to write in this more casually...

Oh well.

I did something today that I really, really like! But... I want to keep it a secret for the time being... Don't I make some of you oh so curious?? Ha!

Sorry... everyone will know in the next two weeks, give or take.

I can't even post a picture yet!

I hate keeping secrets.

Yeah... I think that is more or less correct. Not to say I can't keep them, I can. I would never betray someone's trust knowingly.

I'm leaving Friday to head up to my friend's wedding. I'm pretty excited. I haven't seen all of the people I'm about to see since January or December. I'm excited to see my best friends from Greenville and see my friends tie the knot! I'm just plain excited. It's gonna be next Monday so soon.... and then... it'll be August 6 before I know it... and then... I'll be headed to school before I know it... and SUMMER IS OVER.

Ugh! That's what it feels like... I'm still not looking forward to school... I would like to just live in my parents basement forever... and cook and clean for them... yeah.... and work on my music. Yeah.... right....

That's not true either though, at this point I just want to graduate even though I feel like I just finished high school and college is gonna be over before I know it... and as much as I want to move on with my life, I know I'm gonna miss it. There's a lot of stuff I want to do after I graduate, that I just can't do right now.

But... I know God's got it covered. See... Jeremiah 29:11 has been imprinted in my life this past year. If you don't know it... go memorize it right now, it's important! I remember the first time I was encouraged with this verse- my friend from El Salvador shared it with me, bless his heart! He's been a really good friend to me since we've met, he encourages me quite a bit actually through out our correspondence. But anyway... I'm writing all this to remind myself in the future to look back on this past school year and remember that God is in control of it all.

God's really good... and He orchestrates things, a lot of things that we don't understand when we are in the midst of it, but it is always for our good.

Check out Kickball a Rob Bell/ Nooma video. This story Rob Bell tells about his son is an incredible analogy of how God is always looking out for our best interests.

I was shown this video first in 2005 with Musicon Ministries, and it held a very special place in my heart. In a month, God had again shown me this video to speak to me, not once but twice.

Loving a Person

"Loving a person just the way they are is no small thing..." Sara Groves.

I encourage you to look up this song in whole either by listening or reading the lyrics or both.

But this came on today as I picked up my parents from the airport and rolled my eyes in frustration towards them... made me bite my tongue.

And even right now... I'm frustrated with a few things.

I tried to do a "vlog" about it... but I just didn't care too much for it when all was said and done. I wasn't even going to continue posting up a blog at all. But, something in me is telling me to.

My "vlog" (I think that is a dumb word hence the quotations) wasn't even about my parents. It was about me and my stupid school decision... ONCE AGAIN.

I'm fine with my decision... it's the outcome that makes me nervous you know? That chess player in me I guess. I should stop blaming that.

It's not even that... it's people. It's always people! It's about the thoughts that people will have about me. Which shouldn't even matter....

I don't like loving and needing people more then they love or need me... it's such a vulnerable place to be in... it's a scary place to be in. All I want to want and to need is God. I need God. I love God.... and He loves me... but I don't show my love for Him nearly as much as I should... and I try to change and I do... for a day or two... but then I go back to my habits, my awful bad habits for another week before I feel sad and desperate again to spend time with Him.

I've been writing a song... the first line of the chorus goes like this "I know it's not easy to be everything that you don't want to be." When I first came up with that... I didn't even think it made sense, it just sounded good... it just came out of my mouth like so many other things do. But the more and more I digest that line... it means so much.

There are so many things I don't like about myself, that I want to change, some things I need to change because they're not God honoring. Some things... because other people don't like them.

To change these things... is so hard... I suppose it gets easier in time, sometimes.

And I keep finding myself so grateful that God knows about these things and chooses to look past them and love us in spite of them. Loving a person, just the way they are.

Another song from Sara Groves has the lyrics "I love because you loved me when I had nothing." Another reason why I am grateful... I have absolutely nothing to give Him in return (except my life) and He takes me... He takes me, with all of my imperfections...

Indecision

Remember how I wanted to talk about this topic?

Well... I can’t sleep, so I figured now was a good time to do this.

It doesn’t make me feel good about my decision though.

But... my decision, didn’t really have a right or wrong answer... and like I said as long as I’m honoring God with the little things... I’m golden.

Anyway... I’m not sure where to start.

When I first started studying this, I thought-- oh okay, indecisiveness isn’t a sin. But, the more I looked at it, it is. James 1:5-8 tells us to not be unwavering, to be steadfast and not double-minded. I guess some people say that this is talking more about “You can’t serve two masters, you will either hate the one and love the other.”

But it just doesn’t matter... indecisiveness draws you away from God, because instead of nurturing your gifts and growing in God... you put all of your focus on this decision you have to make. And... it sucks!

I don’t feel nearly as close to God as I did 6 months ago. In fact... a lot of the time I don’t feel like I know Him at all. I really let my relationship with God suffer this semester, and I’m not pleased with myself for it.

I like this definition of indecisiveness: “Indecisiveness is the inability to take a reasonable risk, to make a decision in a timely manner with limited information.”

Like I said in my last post... I really like to weigh out all my options. Make sure that the next move I make isn’t going to screw anything up... but anything can happen anywhere. I can’t expect anything... I need to stop expecting things... and just let life be.

And... I’m uncomfortable with my decision because I wonder if my heart isn’t in the right place. I believe it is in the right place... but I also know I’m not that selfless, and there are selfish motives behind my decision. I just don’t believe it to be at the core of my decision though.

I will leave you with two verses that I am finding to be very encouraging tonight:

-Isaiah 51:7

“Listen to me, you who know right from wrong, you who cherish my law in your hearts. Do not be afraid of people’s scorn, nor fear their insults.”

-Galatians 5:22-23

“When the Holy Spirit controls our lives, he will produce this kind of fruit in us: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Here there is no conflict with the law.”