I'm not Alright

This song has been playing through my head all day today.

I haven’t listened to it in quite some time either, so it dawned on me that maybe God was trying to tell me something by the 100th time it was stuck in my head.

It’s Sanctus Real- I’m Not Alright

“I’m not alright, I’m broken inside, and all I go through, it leads me to you

Burn away the pride, bring me to my weakness

Until everything I hide behind is gone

And when I’m open wide with nothing left to cling to, only You are there to lead me on

Honestly.... I’m not that strong”

I do this way more then I should... I depend on myself more then I depend on God. Except, I thought I had gotten rid of that this summer, I really gave God my all this summer... I let God fall in love with me and it was amazing to experience that love.

[for background for those who don’t know: I had been holding back a lot from God for years now, especially trust, I loved God and I served God with my whole heart, and I was trying so hard, on my own, to follow His will for my life. But a lot of me did the things I did because I felt like I had to be better so that God would love me, I didn’t fully understand that God loved me just as I am. This summer I gave up a lot of my insecurities to Him, and I really became a new person inside, I felt the peace and happiness that I’ve heard so many people talk about, but didn’t understand for myself.]

I’ve been trusting [or trying to trust] God with a lot lately... except I still kept one thing away from Him. Basically, slowly this one thing was tearing me down. How many times are we broken inside?

The pastor at the church I have been faithfully attending here at school said this the first week all the college students were back. This was about running the race, “ All we have to say is ‘God, I can’t do this anymore, I don’t have any more faith today.... I’ve run out’ and God says ‘It’s okay... I’ve got you the rest of the way’.”

There’s a list of Bible verses and songs going through my head to get my thoughts about this and my true feelings out and understandable, but I don’t want to make this a long, exhausting post to read then it already is.