Clean Slates

Every time I mess up, I want a clean slate.

In fact, I expect a clean slate... but I only get that clean slate with God’s grace and I have no right to expect God’s grace, He gives that freely, but I don’t really think it’s something we should treat as "free for the taking."

I messed up, I believe everything happens for a reason. So, I know the mess-ups happened to bring me where I am: flat on my face, humiliated, and searching. Although, I don’t think the search will be quite complete unless I get up from being on my face... so I plan on standing up.

I misused this blog these past couple months. Not all of my posts have held the mission I wanted to inflect. My posts were suppose to be about bringing glory to God and giving Him the credit for what goes on in my life. I know that my life is not my own. It belongs to Him, and I want to honor Him in my thoughts, words and actions.

But I haven’t been doing that; yeah... it’s harder to do when you’re falling apart and when you’re angry with God. But we’re suppose to praise God even through our sufferings. This is my challenge and that is what God has been teaching me lately.

Now listen, I’m not an open book... I don’t share every detail with every person, regardless of what you may think. So, you can take what I have written here as the full story, but it’s not, it’s what I want you to hear. You as in the person that I don’t exactly know who is reading. It’s not that what I write isn’t true, it’s just deep enough to be honest but not deep enough that you can penetrate my heart to the level of people whom I sincerely trust.

So, as much as I desire to delete all the ugly posts I have written in the past couple months.. I won’t. I can’t erase the past, but I can learn from it. If you want to hold my past and mistakes against me, then that is your will. Thankfully, God will always forgive me and thankfully I know I have friends that will always forgive me as well. I’m a work in progress... and I need all the work and help I can get.

This is my mission statement that I am asking anyone who reads my blog to keep me accountable to: This blog is to share what God is doing in me, what He is teaching me and showing me. This is to exclaim the joys of the life I’m given and the blessings He has inflicted upon me. This blog is for others to learn and understand who and what God is and what He desires from all of us.

And this is my public apology: I’m sorry for taking this blog out of context; in fact I’m sorry for allowing my other blog to do the same. Words are a dangerous weapon and I’m sorry that I used them against anyone. I want to be encouraging and uplifting, and I wasn’t. I’m asking forgiveness, but I will respect anyone’s choice in refusal.