So. Funny.

Jesus. You're such a funny... funny... man.
Always knowing how to get through to me.
I hate it.
I need it....

I've been in a very rough, dark spot the past few days... I'm not usually one to cry, but I've been crying constantly. It starts with self-pity.
It also begins with fear. Fear makes me cry the most.

It's clear to me what my struggles are... I've been in this same spot many times before. And I have to take an honest look at myself, and I'm lucky. I'm lucky to have people to encourage me. I'm lucky to have people that will be honest with me and I'm lucky to have people who will push me.

One of my friends likes to ask me about struggles that I seem to always come back to "Do you think you have learned anything from the last time, do you feel stronger, have you built upon it from last time?"
This time. Yes... I think I'm dealing with it in ways I haven't before. I'm also dealing with other things in a much more mature way than I have before.

I just can't get over this fact. That God made me, and thus He knows the best ways to get through to me. Wether it be lyrics playing in my head, friends who give me encouagement without knowledge of what's going on, friends who are intentional, or themes on repeat. He knows how to get my attention... and He wants it... but I'm too busy giving it away to my idols.
Abba, forgive me.