Farewell Greenville

I’m in love with my friends. They are so good to me. My week in Greenville, was a trying one. Something I brought upon myself. Something that I did that hurt my friends in the process.

I’m sorry for hurting you. The last thing, I ever want to do is hurt you.

I struggled with facing my insecurities, and I didn’t go about it the right way. But, I know within me that it was worth it, because I believe that it forced us to be honest. It forced me to be honest. I am a fool. I am a doubter. I am a unbeliever.

I will be honest, once again... that I don’t know how many times I will need to hear it again. That you will be there for me. I will fear and doubt again, it’s part of my human nature.

I want to write about what amazes me so much about my friends. The way they see me.

Especially because I have not always treated them the way I should. I feel like the scum of the earth. I want to yell at them for not seeing my filthiness, for not seeing my fear and the rotten things I think and do.

They profess to have all the faith in me, for following God’s will, for being strong and sticking to my decision. Don’t you understand, that everything within me wants to take it back? Everything within me wants to laugh it off and say “Hey! Sorry about that, I was just kidding, can I have my key back?”

They believe in me... more then I believe in myself in this moment.

I want to thank them, for loving me like God does, unconditionally, looking past my flaws, for encouraging me. I want to thank them for never giving up on me. I don’t know how else to express just how important they are to me.

I don’t know what ever made me think that leaving was going to be easy...

It amazes me what a semester can do. You think you know who your friends are after a year, and you think you know them pretty well. But, I’m stunned by what I lost and what I gained. I lost good friends, but I secured many friendships as well; without this past semester, I don’t think I would have cared so much about staying in contact with the people that I care about today.