Thoughts with Jane

I continue to struggle with the same things, all the time.
Sometimes, I am secure in my Abba, He is my Father and I am His child. Then, some time goes by and I forget. I forget how precious I am to Him.
I start relying on people... for the things I NEED to rely on Him for.
It can become so bad, and so messy, and so sad...
I start relying on my friends, for my happines, my security. I was catching up with a summer staffer tonight and she was sharing some of her thoughts about the same thing, she said "it's unfair for me to put that expectation on my friends."
My completeness should be coming from God.
Sometimes, I am do really well with my completeness in God. Other times... I feel so foolish, for always coming back to this. I feel like... I can't move on until I deal with this. I want to be grounded in God, I won't be able to get anywhere else if I'm not.

Slightly change of subject, but my conversation with my summer staffer was fantastic and on point. I have felt distant from God, but not really, because in this perfect [on paper] Christian setting, I am surrounded by God and His Word. I don't feel like something is wrong in my relation with God, but I don't feel good about it either. We talked about how a Christian atmosphere can be nurturing or stifling. I said to her... in Guatemala, it was nurturing, then I realized it was because usually... I was outside of my comfort zone.
Once again. We are not called to be comfortable and I have challenges in front of my face that first of all, I should bring to Jesus and second of all, will push me out of my comfort zone. Because... I don't want to be nice to someone who's being a jerk to me.  But... that's what Jesus' wants and where He goes, I'll go.

Yeah... Abba used that girl tonight to speak to me (thank you to both)... and He got through pretty clear.

Abba, thank you for your Holy Spirit, that intercedes on my behalf, even when I'm not intentional. Thank you, for speaking to me through people and patiently waiting for my response. You are so gracious, Abba.