Explore

I went to a synagogue last night for my world religions class, my professor wants us to visit two places outside of our own religion.

I really enjoy going to the synagogue. It was my second time (different places).

This time, it was more independently, and I didn’t rely on other people to ask questions. I feel like I was more assertive because I wanted to take it all in and I wanted to be prepared to ask questions.

After the service, a woman talked to me and my two friends, and answered any questions we had. It was interesting.

I feel like she gave responses to some of our questions that were on cue with how a Christian would respond as well. Sometimes I felt like she pitied us in our “misled” beliefs.

She really knew what she was talking about though. Made me realize how I need to get a better handle on what I believe. Of course, she was older and she had probably been answering questions like that for years... but that doesn’t justify knowing (or perhaps nto knowing) my own beliefs.

She encouraged us all to keep “exploring.” Which I thought was neat, she said she learned a lot about our country after she lived in Switzerland for 2 years. She made me realize that all of my life experiences, especially the ones where I’m stepping out trying new things, exploring new places is where I learn the most, where I change the most. Without all those experiences... Mississippi, The Wilds, Christian school, Bacon, Nicaragua, Musicon, Greenville, Honduras, Nyack... I just wouldn’t be where I am.

Chess

Problem:

I’m extremely selfish and self-centered.

Why Jesus cared to die for me, I don’t know.

Problem:

I’ve been thinking that this was all me. The decision of coming back to Greenville was all my doing.

Wrong. I’ve been asking myself the wrong question- Did I make the right decision? If I was giving all of the credit to God, I would have been asking this question- What purpose does God have for me back at Greenville? It’s not like I threw Him for a loop- “Surprise God!”

Acts 17:26

“From one man He made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and He determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live.”

All I’m trying to say I suppose is that, I need to stop thinking about my chess moves, and think of God’s chess moves. He’s way bigger than this, His glory will be revealed, and I will not stand in His way.

Worthily Worthless

Sometimes, God drives me up a wall. In a good way. I know... that's usually a negative statement. He's just crazy... He knows exactly what I need... and He uses other people, when I don't even realize it, or even when I do, and they play this magnificent part in His magnificent design.

I struggled so much this week... and honestly, I still am with self-worth. God talked to me all week about it too.

I know the details, I know the facts... but knowing and believing these things are different, and I thought... I really thought I believed this... I did, but I let lies seep in my mind, and I choose to believe those things, because apparently they are so much more easier to believe.

I think I'm pretty good... I think that I've got it all figured out, more or less. I feel like... I don't stray off the path, I don't "really" sin. I've been thinking in this mindset for a while. It's like I forgot what God did for me, what Jesus did for me, because I AM SO FILTHY, I AM A DIRTY RAG.

I am worthless.... but I'm worthy because God does love me.

I know this, but all of these outside, I don't know if this is the right word, distractions, sorta screw that up for me. People... a lot of times, make me feel like I'm not worth their time.

But again... I say, I am worthless, but in God's sight I am worthy.

And God wants me. I am always wanted by God.

I just have to remind myself of this...

go copy and paste this into your browser: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7C2o0jHNRuU

He Cares

1 Peter 5:7

"Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you."

Psalm 55:22

"Cast your cares on the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall."

God,

I am so worried about my body. Especially these days. My body hurts...

I don't want to worry, I know that this is in your control... but I'm afraid. I'm afraid of what I don't know.

I'm trying so hard to take care of myself. And honestly... I'm not sure that's something I can do on my own; or even if I'm suppose to.

God... my body is a temple. I want it to honor You.

Worries, are not honoring. Lord, help me believe that you will take care of me, that you will take care of my body, my heart, my lungs, my bones, my bruises.

God... this is what little faith I have, take it and carry me. Bless the people who will take care of me and look after me in my life. Bless their hands, their minds, their hearts.