Breaks

This last week I was driving from the church we have rehearsals at to the ministry for lunch when an older man of 90 pulled out in front of me, trying to cross 4 lanes of traffic. I had just turned onto the road, and slammed on my brakes as soon as I saw him. Unfortunately, I was unable to stop in time and just grazed the back of his SUV; I drive a Toyota Camry and so, of course, my car had more damage done to it. I had two other passengers in the car with me and there were other people from CTI that were behind me in traffic that witnessed the accident. 

I was pretty upset about the accident, the man didn't even remember what happened. Luckily, the people I was with supported me and handled a lot of the logistics for me on the scene. My roommate stopped and prayed with the man and for the situation... I forgot about God in that moment... and I was so thankful for her speaking up and taking the courage to do that. My heart was softened. 

I felt very defeated that day. It felt like, I couldn't get a break. I've been in a number of accidents and to say the least... I'm probably really close to getting my liscense taken away. I'm really not an awful driver... I just have the worst luck. In those moments, I felt everything falling apart and I felt lost, I felt attacked for being in ministry. 

Things have turned into my favor. At first I struggled, because I wanted things done my way and in my time frame. But, there's a much bigger picture at hand and I need to work with those around me and their schedule. When I took that into account and understanding, I could breathe a little easier. Then, I was given time to get everything done. The man's insurance is paying for the damage and will be fixing it over tour. Originally, I was told not to expect to get it fixed until after October. But, everything has come together and I can begin tour with much less stress and more ministry minded. 

Praise be to God.

Renewed

Today was a rough one. I was in a irritable mood to begin with, everything everyone did and say I just wanted to sucker-punch them. I refrained... after all I just met these people.
But, my frustrations didn't go away when I had trouble with finding my harmonys to some of the songs.
I ended up acting like a real brat. Hopefully not to my team mates, but I was really upset with myself... I hate feeling like people are waiting on me to get something right. I hate using rehearsal time for vocal parts; it's about the whole band.
My team, and the girls on the other team were really great though and they tried making me feel better and they tried giving me hugs. But, I just wasn't having it. We ended up having some free time before dinner and I was able to take a short little nap, which really improved my mood.
On my drive back to my host home, I was reminded of what we've been discussing in seminars and teams times about personal devotions and time with God. How we will really need to be dependent on that to fill us back up, because sometimes that is the only thing that we are going to have to be renewed and rejuvenated.
So, I prayed and before I came home I found a parking lot to sit in and go over my songs.
Tomorrow is another day, and even today I was reminded that His mercies are new every morning.
Thank you, Jesus.

The Pre-Game

Before I head to CTI, I have things that need to get done.
One of these things is fundraising. Luckily, I did some of this at school by sending out letters.
Fundraising is an experience in itself, nothing I imagined it to be.
When I went to Honduras.... I needed to raise 4,000. My church paid for half of that. I didn't even raise 1,000 of that money. I'm not sure what that says about what I was doing, but that trip changed my life and set the rest of my journey as I know it, into motion. That trip is what inspired this blog. My life is not my own, it has been given to me by my Savior and on that trip is where I found His arms of grace opened up to me and to hold me.
This has been my funraising experience so far: Before I even officially accepted my position with CTI, I had a friend that told me she would be supporting me, which blew me away. I didn't expect my friends... who are just like me, broke college students to help me out.
How humbling this has been.
Giving money is not something I was taught. My dad is all about saving and making sure nobody is screwing him over... everyone is a theif in his eyes. My mom... she actually loves showering gifts on people. And, they always gave on Sunday. But, I was never instructed to give to the church and to tithe. But, this is changing. I'm prepared to use my savings for what I don't raise, will this make my life more difficult... yes, possibly, but I think it's worth it.
People have been so generous, and they don't think twice about it. One of my friends from my Honduras trip gave me just enough to make my goal for when I begin in August. CTI requires 20%. I never expected our phone call to go like that... in one moment. She told me that people aren't really giving to me, they're giving this money to God and honestly... this money is God's anyway. In my fundraising packet, CTI even says this too, the funds have already been raised (Joshua 1:1-9).

I have just raised 20% of my funds. This is a benchmark. Granted, I have 80% still to go. That's about 10,000, and let me tell you, this number scares me. But, God has used so many people through that 20% and I am learning to trust in Him. I am asking people to pray and these people are fervent prayers, and their faith in God and in me is so encouraging.
My next step(s) is to host a fundraiser, a tag sale, and a bake sale. I began asking businesses in town if they would support me, I received some quick "no's" but I also talked with a woman who was very enthusiastic and I was able to leave my support letters with several businesses. So, this is what I would ask you to be prayerful about, that these businesses would be open to what I'm about to do and would be willing to support me. I also could use prayers as I talk to them, I get nervous and talk too fast and babble like a brook.
Thank you and blessings to you,
cee.tea.

Let me try this again...

So, I stopped blogging.
I lost hope.
I gave up.
I'm not really sure what happened...
I had a conflict in my life, a decision, which is what brings me back here. I will be blogging again. I sort of have to, but it probably will be good for me. It will bring to light the greatness of Jesus and what He is constantly doing... working and moving; not only in my life, but the lives of those around me.

So, what happened?
Well.... a lot of things happened... and usually, I live my life as openly as possible, but today I can't bring myself to do that. The basics... I struggled, I persevered, I turned 22, I laughed, I cried, I was angry and felt rejected, I ignored God, I avoided thinking about life, I lay in bed for hours on end and finally, I graduated college...

So, this is what is happening.
I'm going into full-time ministry next year. Actually. This August. I'm going to be a vocalist for CTI music ministries (http://ctimusic.org/) (go support me..... I would really appreciate it!).  I'm going to be stretched and refined a thousand ways possible. I need so much prayer; for funding, for strength and peace of body, mind and soul.
So, this blog, here's your go-to to hear about it all.
Peace and Blessings,
cee.tea.

Fear

Fear.
It is stifling.
It grows in our souls, and it chokes the life out of us.
I often surrender to it's control.
Fear itself, frightens me.
Brings me to tears, frequently.
The thought of it alone...
My mind goes back to the past and past events.
Fear.
It can destroy someone.
Need to learn to overcome.
To not let your emotions run you thin.
To count on the One, who can overcome.

New Year, New Attitude

Today, I had the opportunity to talk to a homeless man.
I went to the grocery store for my mom, and was surprised to see a man holding a sign that said he was homeless and that he would work for food, at the corner of the light, specifically... in my town.
I brought the groceries home, and decided that I needed to go to Mcdonalds and bring him a burger.
I wasn't really sure what I was doing, but my heart was tugged at and for once in my life, I didn't ignore it. Me and Fred ended up talking about theology. Funny how that works out. He said he was a Jehovah Witness and he talked away about his beliefs. I didn't bring Jesus up. I asked him how and why he got to where he was in life and Fred just talked away.
I really didn't know what to expect and I don't really know how much I did. I think he was grateful to talk to someone, he was an old man and I know a burger isn't much...

I just think... I need to be more willing and able to step out and step up to do things like that. To try and have an impact... but really... God is doing the impacting.
This year... I want to wake up every morning with the wonder and excitement of what God is going to do, how and where the Holy Spirit is going to lead me and experience Jesus in others.

Prayer

Today I learned that one can pray in different forms.
I'm reading Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel, which is basically about calling yourself a Christian but not living like one.
This past year, I have learned how important it is to walk your talk.
But, prayer.
It is not only done in speaking form, or putting down your head and thinking words to God. It can be done through dance and music and writing and painting, in the same way we worship, we can also pray.
As soon as I read that, I wanted to grab my guitar and start praying. Unfortunately, my guitar is waiting for my hands at school. Then, I realized I've prayed to God in that way numerous of times, without even realizing it. Many times when I do play my guitar and try to write songs, I just sit there and play some chords and hope for the best to come out of my mouth... and sometimes I sing a lot of damn and hell.
As I write this blog, I realized too that this is another form of prayer for me.

Prayer is communication with God.
But it is also coming to him, with honesty and where we bare our souls.
So... come to God in whatever form you can come before Him and bare your soul and be honest with Him.