Jesus is Present

Today, I sat in a court house.

I saw convicts... I saw young people, I saw hurt and pain, I saw brokenness.

I saw professionals, I saw justice-makers.

I was afraid. I felt uncomfortable as men looked at me. I was angry. I wanted the right thing to be done. I was present. I was there for family.

Jesus, was also there with me. As my chest tightened over the constant rising of tension, as my hands shook over the decisions and discussions being made... I felt the necklace I constantly wear around my neck, impressing into my chest. I was reminded of His presence.

I was reminded that Jesus died so that I didn't have to be fearful, I was reminded that Jesus was beside me the whole time. I was reminded that Jesus was holding me and slaying the dragon [jj heller- keep you safe].

I was reminded... that where ever I am. Guatemala. School. Home. Here. Jesus is always and has always been there to be my best friend. To always stand beside me and comfort me in my times of loneliness, in my times of fearfulness, and in my times of desperateness. He has never, ever deserted me.

Jesus is present.

Dear Guatemala

Dear Guatemala,

I'm going to be honest with you. I was really resistent to you when I got here. I have a huge heart for Honduras... and well, basically you aren't Honduras. I didn't want to fall in love with you. But, now that I'm leaving and saying goodbye after goodbye. I have a special place in my heart for you as well.

Your people are the most gracious, young and old alike. Their smiles make me smile, just thinking about them. Your landscape is beautiful and I will miss waking up to your mountains every morning. The memories I have here will always be with me.

I thank God for bringing me here, Guatemala.

Your struggles are endless, and I thank you for sharing them with me, so openly. Thank you for letting me in to your homes and being vulnerable with your lives. Thank you for changing me, Guatemala. Thank you for giving me the inspiration and courage to live out my faith in the way that I know I have been called to.

Guatemala, I will miss you and I will be praying for you.

Hasta Pronto, Guatemala, Hasta Pronto.

God is Alive

Today is our day off, soon enough though... I'll have many days off.

The new summer staff arrived last week, and this week the current (I refuse to call us old) summer staff will be showing them the ropes.

Saturday was a long emotional and quite stressful day, all the teams left and so did one of our own. I have been so overwhelmed with emotions this past week over the realization that my time here is coming to an end.

I'm happy to go home and I think it would be good for me to be home right now as well, due to a stressful situation brewing.

I don't think it is going to be easy though. I think God is going to keep growing me at home. I pray that I continue to fellowship with God as much as I have been here. I'm so worried that this adventure will turn into a spiritual-summer-high, and I'm just not okay with that.

2 months. I spent two entire months in another country. I have learned so much. I am so grateful for this opportunity. I'm also very grateful for my family for supporting me as much as they have and do.

I came here, first and foremost for school, and relationships were the last thing on my mind. It was suppose to be work and a job, but God brought me here for something entirely different.

The full-time staff here are the most inspiring people I have met. Nic and Maurine are an amazing couple who has always lived their lives radically for Jesus. Jose resonates God's joyfulness and goodness. Nivia and Nineth are full-time students as well as full-time staff, the work load they are under astounds me. Those are only a few.... they all serve here with the most dedication and love for Christ that I have ever been surrounded by.

I think you can see... with this positive atmosphere, why it is going to be so hard to leave.

Not to mention summer staff, who have been a very supportive clan. But... luckily, I get to take one home with me, cause we attend the same school. (GC represents)

God is fully present and alive here. But, God is also fully alive in me.

All I Want

All I want is to see the best in everybody.

I want to look past the things that irritate me and continue to love them.

All I want is to suck up my pride and humble myself.

I want to reflect Jesus, not myself, because I know when it comes down to it, I'm pretty ugly.

All I want is to trust.

I want to believe that when the chair is sweeped from underneath me, Jesus will catch me.

I want to be okay with having nothing at all.

All I want is to have enough courage to live out my life radically.

Regardless of the consequences.

Regardless of the preconceived notions.

Regardless of myself.

Regardless of the future.

All I want is to give up myself and my wants and to look at what's best for others.

I want to live like and I want to live for - Jesus.

God is Patient

I am like a little snot-nosed kid that stomps her feet until she gets her way.

Those kids are obnoxious! I don't know why God puts up with it.

I'm kind of exaggerating, and kind of not... I feel like some people would have things to say about my first statement... that honestly, I don't want to hear!

So, I came here this summer knowing that God was asking for my whole life, not bits and pieces. Also, wanting to know the outcome of my life.

I came here feeling completely inadequate, and in my weaknesses, God was my strength.

Giving up myself to Jesus' will is a choice I need to make everyday, every morning. Last Thursday, when I gave my testimony, one of the summer staffers prayed that I was so willing to do God's will... and when she prayed that, I thought to myself, that's not true. Well, okay, it is. I just haven't completely acquired the courage to do it. God's working on me though and the great thing about God is that He is patient.

He's been sitting around in Heaven this whole time (aka summer, year, life) being all clever on me. Putting things in my way to WAKE me up. Guiding me, the entire time. No experience is a mistake. Each experience in my life has led me to the exact place at the exact time.

Pouring out His Joy

Not completely sure where I'm going with this post.

But, yesterday I switched sites and went to the Child Sponsorship site, which was fine until our house visit in the afternoon.

It wasn't the poor conditions of the house. It was this woman's story, as she poured out to us all the crappy things that has happened to her in the past and the trial she is currently going through. But I saw the joy she received from her three daughters and I saw her strength in her recently refounded faith.

As I listened to her story, I realized that she's probably seen more sorrowful days than joyful, and that breaks my heart because, I on the other hand have had my share of sorrowful days, but my joyful ones are overflowing. With that... I have honestly felt guilty. Of course, I know that I shouldn't feel that way, I have no reason to... God has blessed me and there is nothing wrong with that.

Yesterday, I also shared my testimony during the summer staff meeting (it was my turn!) and then we traditionally pray for the person who just shared. Common denominator: I am filled with joy and it is contagious. (not trying to be conceited here)

I think joy is one of the gifts God has given me and one that I need to use for His glory. There's been numerous times this summer that I have recognized my ability to bring a smile to someone's face, wether it be through the acknowledment of the elderly at the nursing home or the children I have played with, through the people I have hugged or through my conversations with friends. And this, fills me with more joy.

I also realized yesterday that Romans 12:15 needs to be lived out.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.

I stopped myself from crying, but Jesus wept with those who are weeping.

It was good for me to see and meet that family, to be faced with that reality of Guatemala. I've been running around with Media, loving it every bit, but missing the facts.

Today, I did my "job" differently, I poured out my joy as much as I could, because it is something God has given me and it is something I want to share. Because it's God's.