Here's the thing Lord, I know I've been a mess lately, and I'm still not so sure about what I'm doing... but I feel like I'm doing something, sort of right, but I'm doing it all wrong at the same time. That doesn't make any sense does it?
That's okay- it doesn't need to make sense to you. It makes sense to me.
I don't like myself very much, and it's not healthy and God's working on it with me... I know that the distortion I see of myself is not of Him, and it hurts Him.
But, I think it's been good to be knocked off my little pedestal and see the world from down here. God has really just torn me down, thankfully I still have His foundation, where His word rests. I'm starting from the bottom, relearning how to be a Christian. No... a Jesus Follower.
There is so many negative connotations with church and christian... and it's so sad. I don't want to be that to someone.
But... God is changing me, and I'm still struggling to be at peace with myself and with Him and giving up my will... but it's happening and it's good, and I know He is good, and I just want to let Him work in me, I just don't want to take His credit anymore and I want to love people for who they are.
And, it's not something that will happen overnight, it's going to take a lot of time and a lot of work. But, God's going to be right beside me and this is all Him, He will take over me.
