The Small Things

So, God has continued to speak to me about peace- I guess you could say, this entire month, God has been putting that in my head.

Finally figured out why.

I wonder what the Bible says about indecisiveness. It’s probably a sin... I should study the subject and get back to you!

Anyway. God sat me down during church this last Sunday. Totally convinced that I was going to be convicted to go to one school and that God was just gonna make it crystal-clear during the sermon.

Instead, God instructed me to pray and make a decision before I left that church.

I had been going back and forth... probably all semester. I didn’t realize how much stress that created for myself- until I made a decision and until I called this decision my own.

See... I was getting so caught up in making the wrong decision. That if I chose the wrong place... I would ruin my entire future. I’ve always made decisions like a chess player.... when I was little, I used to be awesome at chess, then my dad stopped playing with me and I forgot how to play.

But, what I realized and came to conclude is that.... “All the small things that we do, make up the big things in this life. So, if all my small things are honoring to God, then so will the big things.”

So, what I’m trying to say, it doesn’t matter where I go, as long as what I do in the process is honoring to God.

I’ll explain more about my decision when the time comes, but I just wanted to share this.

I also wanted to share how freeing it feels.... I didn’t even realize the burden I was carrying with this decision, but once I committed to one... I’ve felt more sane, more myself ever since- being home has helped too.

Bloggers

Goodness Gracious!

Has anyone else noticed how popular blogging has gotten all of a sudden/// again, I mean, I'm pretty sure it was really popular back when internet was just becoming popular.

Okay, maybe not that long ago... but, let's just go with 2005.

Anyway. I started my blog when I started college, because I wanted to document my college journey through it. Then I kind of got immature and missused it... kind of like what I did with this one a few months ago.... [joke, kind of, sort of... let's just laugh about it...]

But... I was so embarrassed by my immaturity that I just blocked it from the world- I didn't delete mind you, I personally can still read my freshman experiences, but you cannot!

But, I'm just impressed with how well other people write and I've realized... I need to pick up my game. Of course, I like keeping it a simple subject, easy to follow thing. Besides... my mind moves and thinks so much.... that you probably wouldn't be able to keep up with my brain's comprehensiveness.

See.... I'm not even sure if I made sense just there... I mean, it made sense to me, I'm just not too sure about you.

And... now that I've gotten on so many tangents, I forgot why I was writing this in the first place....

Oh. yes. So many others have been blogging, and I love it. Especially when they are my Christian friends talking about what God is teaching them. It's beautiful to learn from that kind of community. For me, it makes the Christian faith come alive.

So... fellow Christian bloggers, I encourage you to continue writing and processing your thoughts out loud, because you don't know who is reading, and when you're open and honest with what God is teaching you, and what your flaws are... you make Christianity tangible.

And, I also believe, it makes you more authentic. Thank you.

Brotherly Love

Last week at church we went over Romans 12: 9-21.

My pastor said that these verses tell us how to love.

Some of these instructions are easier then others.

But, particularly verse 10 says to “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love....”
My pastor talked about what brotherly love is. For some reason I never really thought about what this means before. I thought brotherly love was just the love all us Christians just share together; and yes, that is partially true.

But brotherly love is family love. It’s letting arguments go, it’s letting the water go under the bridge, because when it comes down to it; whatever they’ve done doesn’t matter, because they are your family.

Thankfully, God has blessed me with good Christian friends that I honestly do consider my family, more then they probably realize. People that I have experienced true brotherly love with, we’ve had to put our water under the bridge... and when it was all said and done, we were all blessed because of it.

Another thing that sticks out to me, that I would like to share from this sermon is about making peace.

I’ve wondered this for a while, I don’t know if I shared these thoughts before- But if God is on our side, and He will avenge our enemies... how does that work when we are enemies with our brother and sisters in Christ?

Well, I realized that as brothers and sisters in Christ, we’re suppose to be at peace with each other, we’re commanded to love and live differently from the world. How can God be for one of His children and not for the other? How can we be examples to this world if we can’t put away our differences to love another sibling in Christ?

God’s really been speaking to me about peace lately. I’m afraid that I’m not at peace with one of my siblings in Christ, and yes of course, some of you know exactly who I’m talking about- and I’m not trashing this person, not in the least bit. I still care about this person- and if I knew how to bring peace towards our broken relationship I would.

“You can’t make peace, because that takes two people, but one person can bring peace.”

Dear Old Friend, in case you ever read this- I want to bring peace into our non-existent relationship, I’m not asking for friendship. Just peace. I also never had the chance to tell you that I forgave you... you are forgiven.

Positivity, Positivity, Positivity!

So, my friend called me out today. I complained about something.... that a lot of people would just be grateful to have.

I told her that she was absolutely right. I can't call myself a Christian and be ungrateful about the wonderful things God has given me. I also believe that living in America is just another strike against me as far as complaining goes.

I'll be honest... I know I do it more then I even realize, but it's not something I'm proud of. It's a habit that I need and want to break.

Psalm 37:4 says- Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.

and Philippians 2:14-15 says- Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation...

That verse in Philippians gets me- don't complain, because if you do, you can be called out in your faults. This verse just makes a lot of sense to me.

I don't want to be a negative nancy, I want to be a positive petunia!

Negative Nancy's, they find a fault in everything, they find something to gripe about in everything, they don't know how to be happy. Negative Nancy's are miserable people that push people away, purposely or not.

Positive Petunia's, they find the silver lining to every cloud, they will not let some rude comment destruct them, they will spin it into something positive, because they know anything negative is just a lie. Positive Petunia's are happy people, that people like to be around, because their positivity lifts their spirits.

So, basically me and my friend made a pact, to call each other out whenever the other is complaining. We will not become Negative Nancys. No way.

Positivity! Positivity! Positivity! That is our theme.

Perfect

God- Remind me, that I cannot be perfect. Remind me that it's alright for me not to be.

I can emulate you as best I can in this life... but I cannot become You.

Ephesians 4:22-24

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Whenever I'm not perfect at something, and whenever I royally screw-up and royally need a kick in the butt. I rip myself up about it. Honestly... I can't let it go until it's fixed either.

And... honestly, I need to remind myself... that it's okay. It's okay to mess up, it's okay to disappoint people. Because it's going to happen, wether I want to or not. I can't make everyone happy- I can try- but I have to be happy myself. As much as I try to put others before myself... I know that in the long run, I can't serve God properly until my needs are met too.

Beautiful Mountains

Last summer I spent over a month in Honduras. Which is a beautiful country, along with the countries surrounding it. It's very mountainous and green, I remember during one of the van rides, we were driving right in between all of them, you could even see banana plantations on the hillsides of some. But, I was so taken away with the beauty of it, and I just thought why didn't God make those the focal of His creation. I was honored that God would choose me, us... because we all know how imperfect we all are. I just thought that those mountains would know better, and they were more worthy.

Until tonight, I think I understood a little bit more why God choose us versus the mountains. Of course... there's a ton of reasons, but humor me and let's just focus on this one thing.

I took this from a devotional e-mail I subscribe to:: "God also gains pleasure in watching you enjoy his creation. He gave you eyes to enjoy beauty, ears to enjoy sounds and music, your nose and taste buds to enjoy smells and tastes, and the nerves under your skin to enjoy touch. Every act of enjoyment becomes an act of worship when you thank God for it. In fact, the Bible says, "God generously gives us everything for our enjoyment" (1 Timothy 6:17 TEV)."

God enjoys watching us enjoy His creation! That's why God chose us. How enjoyable would it be for the mountains for people to walk all over them? To slap pavement on their backs? And... even though our faith can move mountains.... those mountains aren't going anywhere, those mountains will never be able to enjoy what the rest of God offers us.

So, maybe it's slightly foolish of me to be focusing so much on this. But, it makes me smile. I love those mountains, they are gorgeous... and even still it takes my breath away to think that God would rather choose us, with all our imperfections.

Unsent

So, I recently wrote a letter... that I’m not going to send. It was for me to write and for me to let go of a lot of things I had been holding on to this semester.

I’m usually not one to write unsent letters... but when I was writing this one, I really thought I was going to, but I’ve been doing just fine keeping it to myself. There are questions in it that I asked, but I don’t need the answers.

All I needed was peace.

That is all I needed, all along... peace; and I was so against it this whole time.

Why, oh why can’t I just learn to trust God.

I love how the end of a semester makes you re-evaluate... life.

I’m not proud of my semester... there was a lot I could have done better. But, I think considering the circumstances, I did well. My relationship with God suffered, but we’re getting back on track and that’s what is important.

Even through all the lows I had... God still used me, which amazes me- Never doubt what God can do with your life.

And even through my distance in my relationship with God, I still learned a lot about my beliefs, and faith and God in my classes, which I really enjoyed.

I think though that the lessons that sums it up is that God knows what He’s doing, even when we don’t. Which is cool, because I know that that’s what God taught my friends at Greenville too; which is awesome, because through our community even with distance... we can still learn from each other and grow together! Those are one good friends and two a good community.

-the picture is not a letter, but a Christmas card I just received this week, to be honest- I enjoy Christmas cards in May... especially from my best friend =] but I felt like it fit with being unsent letters, because we both assumed it was lost in the mail, forever... nope just in my house!